Top 10 More Fun Ways Rick James Could Have Died.

10) Hari Kiri
9) Run over by a double decker British bus
8) Riding an Acme Rocket into the side of a cliff
7) Two words: Falling Anvil
6) In a caged death match against Luther Vandross
5) Drowning in a vat of “Soul Glo”
4) In a Super Freakin’ explosion!
3) Trampled by the Solid Gold Dancers
2) In a stunt accident filming the sequel to The Last Dragon



And the number one more fun way Rick James Could Have Died
1) Getting MC Hammered.

Top 10 Reasons for Tom Ridge to go to Orange

10) He thinks Yellow’s not slimming enough
9) Someone took his stapler again
8) He keeps getting prank calls from someone who asks if there’s enough Johns in the Whitehouse
7) The grocery store ran out of Creamsickles again.
6) The Dingo ate his baby
5) Someone put a thumbtack on his chair
4) He lost his red Sharpie.
3) The Florida Agricultural Lobby said so.
2) Because Green makes him look pasty.

And the number one reason Tom Ridge to go to Orange
1) The chicks, man. The chicks.

Top 10 City Slogans

(Yes, these are all real cities…)
10) Albuquerque, NM: “Shit, we can’t even spell it!”
9) Birmingham, AL: “Just south of anywhere normal people like to go!”
8) Wilmington, DE: “Destroying your credit rating daily!”
7) Lebanon, NH: “No, not that Lebanon”
6) Cheyenne, WY: “The Biggest Truckstop in the Union!”
5) BraSwell, GA: “The land of milk and… well, just milk, really.”
4) Kickapoo, IL: “A City and a Pastime!
3) Bird-in-Hand, PA: “Worth More What You’ve Got in Your Bush!”
2) Vancouver, WA: “Seriously, We’re NOT Canadian!

And the Number One City Slogan: Cripple Creek, CO: “Great Parking Spaces for Everyone!”

Top 10 Other Things Governor Schwarzenegger could have ended this sentence with besides “Girlie Men”

“If they don’t have the guts to come up here in front of you and say, ’I don’t want to represent you, I want to represent those special interests, the unions, the trial lawyers ...’ if they don’t have the guts, I call them girlie men.”
 
10) Chumpsuckafools
9) Beeoootches!
8) Pantywaists
7) Polesmokers
6) Will and Grace watchers
5) People who still think they’re in Arsenio’s Dog Pound
4) Facts of Life fans
3) Quiche Eaters
2) Rich. Very rich.
 
And the Number One Thing Governor Schwarzenegger could have ended this sentence with besides “Girlie Men…”
Bob.

Top 10 Signs the Amendment you Sponsored isn’t Going to Pass

10) When you cast your vote in senate chambers, everyone’s staring.
9) Joe Lieberman keeps snickering whenever you walk past.
8) Ross Perot keeps leaving you messages saying, “See?! SEE?!?!”
7) When you deliver your sponsor speech, Ted Kennedy moons you from the balcony.
6) Even Greenpeace lobbyists keep snubbing you when you walk by.
5) Your Secretary wears a paper bag over her head.
4) Security keeps towing your car out of the “senators only” parking space and then pretends they didn’t know you were a senator.
3) All the freshmen Reps keep grabbing you and giving you swirlies.
2) The Senate tourguide keeps referring to your office as “The Morgue”

And the Number One Sign the Amendment you Sponsored isn’t Going to Pass:
Your name is Wayne Allard.

Top 10 Ideas for Michael Moore’s Next “Documentary”

10) Fahrenheit 2-1 the Breast that Destroyed Football
9) The Kevin Bacon Conspiracies: Six Degrees of Hate
8) America on Atkins: Bread, the Devil Among Us
7) Dodgeball: A Nation in Peril. Of Red Rubber Balls.
6) Milk: The Silent, White Killer
5) Squiggy Revealed: David L. Lander’s Collusion with the Sandinistas.



4) Earthquakes: The Republican Attack on California
3) Bowling for Columbus—How the American Indian Tricked America into Buying his Blanket
2) Washington: The Devil President

And the Number one Idea for Michael Moore’s Next “Documentary”
Mr. Rogers & Me—The Real Fred Rogers in all his Communist Glory

Top 10 Categories for “Jeopardy” that didn’t make the cut

10) Famous poo sculptures
9) Famous prison rape victims
8) Trebek’s lost loves
7) Quinine Recipes
6) The truth about Christ
5) Vegetables that begin with the letter 7
4) Nazi War heroes
3) Erotic Tatoos
2) Things that rhyme with Orange

And the number one Category for “Jeopardy” that didn’t make the cut…
John Kerry’s hair